| 1 |
Discussing the environment with his friend, one man asked, "Which of our natural resources do you think will become exhausted first?" "The taxpayer," answered the other. |
| 2 |
"The tragedy of Canada is that they had the opportunity to have French cuisine, British culture and American technology, and instead they ended up with British cuisine, American culture and French technology." |
| 3 |
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive. The next year, the Japanese won by two miles! Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem. |
| 4 |
Pete was telling a friend that he had just lost his job. "Why did the foreman fire you?" the friend asked in surprise. "Oh," Pete said, "you know how foremen are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work." "We all know that," replied his friend. "But why did he let you go?" "Jealousy," answered Pete. "All the other workers thought I was the foreman." I sit here all day trying to persuade people to do the things they ought to have sense enough to do without my persuading them. |
| 5 |
Our son came home from the university for the weekend and I asked him, "How are things going?" He said, "Good." I said, "And the professors?" He said, "Good." I said, "They have always had a stromg football team there. How do you think they'll do this year?" He said, "Good." I said, "Have you decided on your optional course yet?" He said, "Good." He said, "Yes." I said, "What is it?" He said, "Communications." |
| 6 |
Bill attended a party where he met an old acquaintance. "Hello, Sam," he said. "How's your clothing business? I heard you lost a lot on that shipment of dressie. It seems that planning has failed you." "That's right," Sam responded. "And you almost went a bankrupt." "That's true too." "But I understand you made a big profit on another shipment and wound up having a pretty good season after all." "That's correct. Then I guess you heard all about it, Bill." "Yeah." Bill answered, "but this is the first time I'm hearing all the details." "I think it's wrong," says comedian Steven Wright, "that only one company makes the game Monopoly." |
| 7 |
Three barbers ran shops in the same street. The first barber put up a notice in his window stating, "I am the best barber in town." Seeing this, the second barber put up a notice, "I am the best barber in the world." Not to be beaten, the third barber put up a notice, which simply read, "I am the best barber in this street." |
| 8 |
"I think my wages are frozen," one worker said to another. "When I opened my pay envelope, a little light went on." "How's your new job at the factory?" one man asked another. "I'm not going back there." "Why not?" "For many reasons," he answered. "The sloppiness, the shoddy workmanship, the awful language - they just couldn't put up with it." |
| 9 |
A dialogue between a sharp-tongued boss and a dissatisgied employee seeking a raise: "I know perfectly well you aren't being paid what you are worth!" "SoE" asked the employee, his hope returning. "But I can't allow you to starve to death, can I?" |
| 10 |
"I hear the boys are going to strike," one worker told another. "What for?" asked the friend "Shorter hours." "Good for them. I always did think that 60 minutes was too long for an hour." |
| 11 |
A management consultant died and went to heaven. Meeting Saint Peter at the gate, he protested, "There must be some mistake. I'm only 54, I really shouldn't be up here yet!" Saint Peter consulted the big book. "Well, according to the time you've charged your clients, you are 87." |
| 12 |
The secretary who had worked 9 years in the firm got a job elsewhere and approached the personnel officer for a reference. "Make it out for 10 years," the secretary suggested. "But you have worked for only 9 years," the personnel officer pointed out. "But, Sir," replied the secretary, "what about my overtime?" |
| 13 |
Dexter had just returned from two weeks' holiday. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get marreid. "What!" shouted the boss. "I can't give you more time now. Why didn't you get married while you were off?" "Are you crazy?" replied Dexter. "That would have ruined my entire holiday!" |
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